You’re planning the songs for your ceremony and curating your guest list, but then it hits you. Should you invite your cousin’s new boyfriend? Yikes! Here are five wedding plus one etiquette rules to help you decide.

Why talk about plus one etiquette for weddings?

The details that go into a wedding are endless, and some newly engaged couples may feel a little overwhelmed. One significant stressor that I’ve received complaints about is planning a guest list.

Some couples have large families who all expect to be invited, while others have tight budgets and need to be cautious about the number of guests they invite. The best way to manipulate your guest list is by following plus one etiquette. 

5 Wedding Plus One Etiquette Rules

1. To plus one or not to plus one? Ask yourself the following questions.

While it is ultimately a personal decision when creating a rule, you can use the traditional guest etiquette to make your plus one rule. Here are the guests who, according to plus one etiquette, should receive an invitation for an additional guest.

~ Should I invite the spouse of someone who is married?

It is polite to invite the spouse even if you don’t have a close relationship with them, or even if you’ve never met them. Just think ahead to after your wedding. Wouldn’t you wish to dance the night away with your spouse? Including a plus one is respectful to their relationship.

 ~ Do I need to invite those who are engaged or living with their partner?

Again, it is a thoughtful gesture to include a plus one when someone is in a serious relationship. Everyone’s relationship is a little different, so that they can be just as committed as a married couple, minus the ring.

~ Do members of the wedding party automatically get a plus one?

If you choose to have a wedding party, it is crucial to allow them to bring a guest. Wedding parties often put forward a lot of time and money to be included in your wedding. Pay that forward by giving them the choice to bring a guest.

~ Do I let someone who doesn’t know other guests bring an extra guest?

Have someone who isn’t familiar with your other guests? Provide them with a plus one. This will keep them from feeling awkward or leaving earlier than the rest of your guests.

photo by Emma Bauso

2. Adhere to a consistent plus one rule.

Someone will inevitably reach out to you if they did not get the opportunity to bring a guest and wish to have one. By making a clear plus one rule, you can respond politely with a reason why you did not allow an additional guest. “Only family and the wedding party are receiving a plus one,” or “I’m sorry, we only gave a plus one to people who are married or in a serious relationship.”

3. Avoid extending excessive invitations.

Be realistic about your guest list when deciding who gets a plus one. Remember, each plate has a price tag, so your budget needs to accommodate everyone who attends. Trimming the fat from the guest list will be the easiest way to get your guest list down if you’ve gone over. Adjust your rule and remove anyone you can if you have exceeded your intended number of people to invite.

4. Make the verbiage on your wedding invitations very clear.

Make sure you include either the name of a plus one on the invitation or write “Guest” with the person you are inviting. Including the name of a plus one will help reduce the amount of invitation swapping. It can also lower the cost of your wedding if that specific guest cannot attend.

If names are printed on response cards, it will serve as a helpful reminder that only those people are invited. Many wedding guests are not aware of the etiquette they need to follow when receiving an invitation or attending a wedding, so the clearer you can be, the better.

5. Forego inviting problematic guests.

This may be a big forward, but avoid drama when choosing who gets a plus one. If you have a friend with a rowdy boyfriend, only extend the invitation to your friend. You may need to have a delicate conversation about why they didn’t get an extra guest. However, it will save you a big headache by being prudent.

Save our rules for wedding plus one etiquette!

Alli Dillenbeck is a wedding coordinator and marketing manager in Upstate NY. When she is not planning events, she tends to her extensive plant collection.